Maddie Dinnage
Trigger warning: eating disorders, body image
Ask anyone what their favourite part of the holiday season is – among the generic answers such as the gifts, time with family, the cringy Christmas films, you are sure to hear “the food!”. Many spend all year desperately anticipating the never-ending buffet spreads, the mince pie mountains, and a Christmas dinner to triumph over all dinners, but for some, it can feel like an inescapable labyrinth, with every wrong turn leading to anxiety and self-loathing.
I have always been relatively open about my struggles with anorexia and bulimia. I am by no means a licensed therapist, but I’d really like to use my lived experience to remind you that it is absolutely possible to enjoy Christmas, even if you’re struggling with disordered thoughts when it comes to body image and food.
Intrusive thoughts
“That eating disorder voice is not a biologically entrenched part of you”
Amongst the chaotic build-up to the big day, it can be hard not to lose oneself in a spiral of negative thought patterns. In the days leading up to Christmas, you might feel that nagging little voice creeping in, making you feel unworthy or guilty of the gift of self-compassion. It’s important to recognise those negative thought patterns and separate them from your own rational thoughts.
That eating disorder voice is not a biologically entrenched part of you, it is a culmination of harmful discourse surrounding body image, perpetuated by an echo chamber inhabited by diet and influencer culture. Call out those thoughts when they arise. One thing I’ve found helpful is writing them down on a piece of paper, and tearing them all up. It can be a really empowering, visual means of reclaiming control over your own thought patterns and acknowledging them for what they really are: just thoughts.
Changes in schedule can be really hard for someone struggling with disordered eating, especially for those taking time off of work/education to go back home for the holidays. You might even feel the need to lean into disordered behaviour to reinstate a feeling of stability, but there are much healthier and more compassionate ways to feel a little bit more grounded.
Support systems
“there are so many people who suffer from disordered eating in silence”
I am extremely lucky to have such a reliable support system among family and friends, all of whom are willing to listen and learn as much as they can. However, there are so many people who suffer from disordered eating in silence, and some have families who refuse to acknowledge their struggles at all.
If you don’t feel as if there is someone around you who you can lean on for some support, BEAT’s hotline is available 365 days a year. There is a whole network of individuals who will be experiencing very similar thoughts and feelings this Christmas, and a plethora of resources to help you through. I’ve found recovery podcasts to be really helpful for me, and there are plenty of episodes specifically geared to help you through this time of year.
Embracing the holiday
“what if you went one step further and allowed yourself true enjoyment this Christmas?”
Having experienced several Christmases with an eating disorder, I know how tempting it is to urge yourself to “just get through”. But what if you went one step further and allowed yourself true enjoyment this Christmas? I often found the period following big family Christmas meals to be the hardest, and this is when that negative voice would creep in and plague me with guilt, it even convinced me that I didn’t deserve to enjoy the festivities. This year, I’ve put some plans into place to help me with those feelings, such as having my favourite board games and Christmas movies on standby to distract me during those tough moments. If it’s any incentive, it’s MUCH harder to beat your family at Cluedo if all you’re focusing on is your eating disorder.
Diet discourse
“a multi-billion pound industry which quite literally relies upon you feeling uncomfortable within your own body”
For many people, it’s not the festive period itself that causes so much anxiety, but the overwhelming diet discourse which seems to arise every new year. Whether it be triggering comments from family members or advertisements for diet plans, the requirement to alter your body seems to be everywhere come January 1st. First of all, it’s important to acknowledge that this is NOT a requirement, but the product of a multi-billion pound industry which quite literally relies upon you feeling uncomfortable within your own body.
For a while, I thought that my own experience had endowed me with the responsibility to expose the corrupt nature of diet culture to everyone around me and reverse an ideology which had been years in the making. While education is important, particularly for those who you feel to be integral to your support system, it’s unrealistic to carry that burden all on your own.
“we need to focus on creating boundaries to help ourselves and our own recovery”
While the body-positivity movement makes great strides to debunk and rewrite these destructive thought patterns, we need to focus on creating boundaries to help ourselves and our own recovery. This might include taking a break from social media over the holiday period or asking those around you to not discuss dieting habits in your presence. It can be really daunting to establish these boundaries, particularly those without familial support, but self-prioritising is a really important part of recovery.
Being real
I’ve always thought New Year’s resolutions to be hugely overrated, but maybe that stems from setting myself such unreasonable goals. It’s not possible to change your life overnight, so why should we hold ourselves to such unattainable standards? Instead of using resolutions to radically change your routine, why not take it as an opportunity to encourage more of the things that you love? For me, I am going to try to set aside more time to read all of the books that have been collecting dust on my shelf.
“we are just as entitled to all of the season’s perks as everybody else”
I’m very aware of how cliche it sounds, but if you’re struggling this Christmas, you are not alone. You don’t need a medical diagnosis or external validation to struggle with an eating disorder or low-self esteem. We deserve so much more than just “getting through the holidays”, and we are just as entitled to all of the season’s perks as everybody else; including all of the amazing food!
Helpful resources:
- Beat Helpline – 0808 801 0677
- Samaritans – 116 123
- Self-harm support
- Anorexia and Bulimia care
- National Centre for Eating Disorders
Featured image courtesy of krakenimages on Unsplash. Image license can be found here. No changes have been made to this image.
madelainedinnage
Third-Year studying BA English at the University of Nottingham. Passionate about social justice journalism!! Also writing for two university magazines as well as Nottingham’s culture magazine, LeftLion ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥