Sommeil (1895) (colorized) by Georges Callot (1857-1903). Painting depicting two nude women embracing.

Amelia Hopkinson

We’ve all experienced the lack of inclusive sex education at school. It can feel as though nobody has considered that some girls just don’t want to have sex with boys. But where does that leave the sapphic community?

Let me disclaim(er)

Firstly, a quick definition for you before we delve into the good stuff: sapphic refers to sexual attraction or activity between women.

Secondly, it’s important to mention that this article will focus on vulva-on-vulva sex. Not every vulva owner identifies as a woman, so you don’t have to be a woman to partake in WLW or sapphic sex. Everyone is welcome and valid here at Let Me Sexplain!

To have inclusive sex, it is important you discuss what language your partner is comfortable using, both for themselves and also for their genitalia. Sex should be a safe space, so communication is vital in making your partner feel comfortable. 

Let’s get into it

Now, we have a lot to discuss! Having sex with another woman can feel pressurising, and feeling anxious is normal.

You will hear the word ‘communication’ repeated SO many times throughout this column. But that’s because it’s so important! There is no expectation for you to know exactly what you’re doing. Sex is exploration, and every sexual encounter will teach you something new. Establish any boundaries before you get down to business — dirty talk as foreplay is often a fantastic way to establish what you want to try with your partner and what you both feel comfortable with. 

“No two vulvas look the same; yours is one of a kind!”

One of the joys of having sex with someone else with a vulva is that you know what you’re working with! If masturbation and solo sex is your jam, use it to your advantage. Practice, practice, practice! See what you like and what feels good — it’s likely that what you discover gives you pleasure will also give your partner pleasure.

If masturbation isn’t for you, this is also valid. Instead, you could look at your vulva in the mirror and learn about your anatomy. Vaginas are intricate organs, so learning about pleasure points can be really helpful! It’s also important to remember that all vulvas differ in appearance. No two vulvas look the same; yours is one of a kind! 

Let’s have safe WLW sex

Staying safe during sex is crucial!

It’s a common misconception that safe sex practices only apply to heteronormative sex, but sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can still be spread between two vulvas.

There are a couple of protective options available to ensure you are practicing safe, WLW sex, with dental dams being the most common. A dental dam is a sheet of latex or polyurethane used between the mouth and vagina or anus during oral sex. You can also use a slit-open condom. Both options significantly reduce the risk of spreading STIs.

You can also use latex gloves or finger cots (covers) if using your fingers for penetrative sex. 

Let’s talk WLW sex tips

Penetrative sex and oral sex are two ways in which women often give each other pleasure. Feeling lost about what to do or how to help your partner achieve maximum satisfaction are common worries.

Luckily for us, Cosmopolitan has shared a super insightful article with some top tips here. One of the key takeaways is to use lubricant! Cutting your fingernails can both reduce discomfort and reduce the risk of infection.

Regarding all things oral sex, Durex has broken down the act of cunnilingus. You can learn all about what your tongue is supposed to do here. 

Let’s address misconceptions

Misconceptions. There are many in the world of WLW sex.

The general consensus is to forget what you see in porn, which is rarely realistic and often catered for the male gaze. In the sapphic space, the focus is on your OWN pleasure (we love to see it!)

“Some people don’t like, or want, to be penetrated.”

In mainstream WLW porn, it’s common to see a strap-on (silicone dildo) being used during sex. However, some people don’t like, or want, to be penetrated. Scissoring also features heavily in mainstream sapphic porn. Everyone seems to think that queer women only have sex by scissoring… which is not the case! Scissoring can be impractical and tricky due to the positioning of both of your bodies.

These two common misrepresentations of sapphic sex are two more reasons why communication with your partner is so important!

Nobody should feel that they have to assume uncomfortable positions or ‘perform’ during sex, just because they think it is expected of them. Reassure yourself and your partner that you’re having sex for your own enjoyment, and that your sex can look like anything you want it to!

Let’s talk about orgasms

Orgasm, orgasm, orgasm. In any kind of sex, there often feels an overwhelming pressure to reach orgasm. Annoyingly, you might find that the pressure to reach orgasm can actually prevent you from having one.

I am here to tell you that an orgasm is not the only ending to a sexual experience — you can have a fun and fulfilling time without one!

Instead of spending all your time during sex focusing on reaching orgasm, try to be in the moment and focus on having a fun time. Fortunately for us, there is so much to explore in WLW/sapphic sex. Discovering new things about your body and pleasure is so exciting! Throw your expectations out of the window, have fun and stay safe. 

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Featured image courtesy of ketrin1407 via Flickr. No changes have been made to this image. Image license found here. 

Amelia is a Lifestyle editor and a columnist at Empoword, with a passion for feature writing and social media. Some topics that she loves speaking about are mental health awareness, sex education and LGBTQ+ rights.

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