Two people bond over learning a language.

Anna Boyne

Forget swiping left and right on Tinder. Language learning websites are bringing people together from across the globe. 

Tandem is a free language learning app where users can search for partners to practise with by language, location and shared interests. There’s in-app messaging, audio, and video calling. It allows users to practise their language skills and learn about one another’s cultures.

Rósín Kelly lives in England and met her French boyfriend through Tandem four years ago. At the time, she was studying A-Level French and wanted more opportunities to practise.

“I genuinely downloaded it to learn French and he downloaded it to learn English,” Rósín told Empoword.

It began like many conversations she’d had with other Tandem users. They asked the usual questions: How are you? Where are you from? But Rósín and Yoan found they had much more in common than expected. A month and a half later, they had their first call.

Image courtesy of Waldermar on Unsplash. No changes were made to this image. See image license here.

“We were both quite nervous especially not speaking the same language. We ended up calling for hours and hours the first time […] Because it was lockdown, I waited nine months. In August we finally met in person.”

Yoan came to stay with Rósín in England. Then they both went to France and stayed with Yoan’s parents near Marseille.

“We ended up spending two weeks together which is obviously quite intense for the first time you meet someone, but I think it was nice to do over summer while we had the chance.”

Love Knows No Borders

From there, Rósín and Yoan were long-distance while they respectively studied in Cardiff and Bordeaux.

Last year, Yoan studied abroad in Bristol, living only an hour from Rósín. Rósín is currently studying abroad in Amiens, a city in the north of France. Yet, despite living in the same country, they’re still a ten-hour drive apart.

For Rósín, long-distance relationships are nothing to shy away from. “You trust them more because you know they wouldn’t stay in it if it didn’t mean anything to them. They can easily find someone closer to them. They’re clearly in it for a reason.”

“If I don’t see any future I’m not going to pay for flights or waste my time”

“It did mean that I had to make sure it was serious, without trying to be too mature for my age at eighteen. I was thinking that if I don’t see any future I’m not going to pay for flights or waste my time on someone who’s all the way in France.

“We’ve both said we wouldn’t stay in the relationship if we saw it ending. We obviously see a future. That doesn’t mean we’ll settle down in the next few years. It just means I don’t see it going badly. We’re both open to moving to each other’s country or going somewhere else.”

Romantic Culture Shock

Although only separated by the Channel, French and English cultures are quite different when it comes to relationships.

In England there’s a tendency to start dating someone very casually and progress through the stages: talking, exclusive, and finally making it official by becoming boyfriend and girlfriend.

“He started calling me his girlfriend to his family probably just after or just before we video called, whereas I didn’t say it until we’d met.”

Rósín found she actually preferred the more simple French attitude towards dating.

“It’s a culture thing. It’s easier to say girlfriend because we basically were [in a relationship]. The only difference was we’d not met the family or each other. That’s a big thing, but for both of us, the emotional side was more important.

“For me, it was always about finding someone with a good personality and having a connection.”

Another difference is la bise: the French greeting where two people brush cheeks and make a kissing sound.

“The thought of your partner getting close to other girls was a weird concept at the start. I knew it was a cultural thing. I didn’t have a problem with it but things like that you have to adjust to.”

Is Tandem A Dating App?

Although it’s been a happy story for Rósín and Yoan, many Tandem users are becoming frustrated by receiving inappropriate messages.

“There were a lot of people where I couldn’t tell if they were catfishing, using it as a dating app, or if that was their culture,” says Rósín. While using the app, she received messages from people lying about their age and some even initiated conversations with: “When can I sleep with you?”

“My boyfriend did receive an explicit picture”

“My boyfriend did receive an explicit picture. I got weird messages like that, but never pictures. It can be dangerous.”

Tandem have clarified: “Tandem is not a dating app, so be cautious of members who are using Tandem for dating purposes.”

The app also warns users of the ‘Romance Scam.’ Scammers usually claim to be a middle-aged male from the USA or UK. They avoid video calls and confess romantic feelings very quickly. Eventually, they will tell you that they have a financial emergency and ask for money.

To avoid scams like this, Tandem encourages users to:

  • Never send money or give out personal details
  • Use your best judgement
  • Communicate through Tandem
  • Use the reporting function

In the early stages, Rósín remained cautious and kept her friends and family in the loop. “If they were really that worried, they would have told me. But at the same time, they trusted me. They knew I was wary.”

Dating apps can encourage selective preferences. The choice between a swipe left or right may hinge on seemingly minor factors such as height, star sign or proximity. However, for individuals like Rósín, authentic connections surpass these superficial boundaries.

Perhaps, it could be worthwhile to extend your reach a little further.

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Featured image courtesy of Annika Gordon on Unsplash. No changes were made to this image. See image license here.

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