Comments on: Hypersexuality as a Valid Trauma Response

By: Meagan Lane

Meagan Lane — Sun, 24 Mar 2024 06:30:57 +0000

Beautiful article! I also went through this. I actually just finished a manuscript basing this in my fantasy book. Somewhere where its safe to have discussions about this and shed more light on it in commercial fiction. I’m forever grateful to have found a counselor who explained hypersexuality as a trauma response, and hope to share it with the other 1 in 3

By: user

user — Wed, 19 Jul 2023 08:48:24 +0000

This article is so amazing and very needed. Thank you so much for writing it and sharing your own personal perspective. So glad this exists because this point is rarely talked about, and, like you said looked down on.

By: Jess

Jess — Mon, 26 Jun 2023 10:46:02 +0000

I’ve always hated the word “hypersexual” it reminded me of an abuser who’s addicted to sex.. So, I’m 40, and I have 2teenagers..at age 8, I was raped for years by an kid a few yrs older than me, at 12 my uncle molested me,, fast forward very far,after growing up in 5diff group homes, I started using drugs at 19..in this became prostitution, I never seemed to care about sex or my body.. like if was just an object, I never got any pleasure .. it was a task, a job.. fast forward 20 yrs til I’m actually 3yrs in recovery.. at the end of my using, I wàs picked up as a prostitute.. and brutally raped and attacked strangled and thrown out of the car.. I somehow have still managed to stay in recovery even after that..amongst those 3 very different assaults..I don’t remember much from the “peer”, and my uncle..I don’t really know how it effected or effects me, except it was really confusing and made me trust ppl even less. My last attach was may22 2021..the first anniversary went by, with a plan of staying busy.. Now, my point of writing this long thing.. this year? I was so so confused, and felt like the biggest creep weirdo..mind you, I on a typical day, don’t think about sex , don’t really care about sex, I don’t fantasize about it.. watever..this anniversary, I found myself like a robot, like I know I have control of my actions.. but this was like in a some what disassociated state.. and specifically searched and found a random guy, who I’ve never met, too have sex with, oddly was really only looking for a guy who was the same age ish and race of my attacker..so, that happened.. it was consensual, stupid and I didn’t do it for pleasure.. I felt disgusting, so gross, embarrassed, so confused but again. This is a pretty awkward subject probably for anyone… Mind you tho, I’m was/am an addict, but don’t use anymore.. so ? Take away, self harm .. my first addiction, take away drugs, drinking, and any other self destructive thing I used to do.. and I’m left with a confused messy mind and had just made it worse.. exactly how I came across this site and article..and this has definitely helped but I’m still confused cuz it’s like a double edged sword.. I don’t know.. thank you all for reading/ listening/sharing.. it helps to know I’m not alone

By: Proxy

Proxy — Thu, 08 Jun 2023 07:25:40 +0000

In reply to Harriet Clark. Hi, today I was listening to rock music reactions and one of those was Daddy by Korn, it moves me something that have always been awarded of, but never gave it the importance, then looking for more info i read this and all the pieces fit. I am 33 yo man, from Latin America when i was 6-7 I had this neighbor girl, that used to touch me and made me kiss their intimate parts up and down, she was like 11-12 a that time. To make my story short, I always wandered why i was feel strongly attracted to my female partners since school, but also grown women, and so on. I started to masturbate to earlie and never could stop, hypersexualized every women i meet on my mind. It contrasted with my sexual activity, I have olny been with 3 women that I loved, one is my current girlfriend. I started "late" I guess, bc I was 21 yo. The issue is, the only time I tried to stop masturbating and thinking about that, was like 2 months in my 20s. It is frustrating, now porn is available with one simply search but also the content in social media, like IG, it's like every time I tried to channel myself, stop wasting hours of my week masturbating, i just can't. Could i be a trauma from that earlier exposure, i never took it as sexual abuse until now, and I also know she was also abused since she was a girl, so i never blamed her. I just want to make clear, I am in general a balanced person, i have passed through some other things in my life that i successfully overcome to make the man i am today. But this, I lie myself that it is normal and that i have all that specific matter under control. I a job, two majors, a lovely girlfriend, 3 dogs, friends, lovely family, except this. But that song by Korn that strangely i never heard until today (i grew up on the 2000s, this music was The music, even in Latin America), even knowing the story of Chester from Linkin Park, and some impressive songs this one moved me, and the case, that Davis was also abuse by a babysitter neighbor, really got me. Well, thanks for reading, i know I have to work on this, for myself.

By: Pamela Berg

Pamela Berg — Sat, 29 Apr 2023 21:14:38 +0000

I am browsing the internet for this because I want to find out how to heal since I cannot talk about what happened in light of how I acted out my trauma after the sexual assault events with my boyfriend. I know this is an old post but anyway, I know several people who acted out in a hypesexualized manner after assault, and it didn’t even take that bad of an assault in some cases. I actaully thought it was more common to act that way, then to refrain altogether. I guess it depends on the type of sexual abuse/assault, if you had other supportive people in your life, and if you were trauma free when it happened, which is unlikely.

By: J

Tue, 04 Apr 2023 03:13:02 +0000

I’m sitting here reading this and sobbing with relief that I’m not the only one. I was groomed and coerced by an adult family member for much of my childhood, and I always felt so much shame about the fact that not only did I not stop him, but I basked in his attention, and encouraged it. It’s been hard to work on that shame when it feels like this trauma response of seeking attention never stopped. I’ve never been able to tell anyone “no.” I’ve pretended to like people I never liked, I’ve done everything to get their attention and validation, I’ve Needed people to see me as sexually gratifying in order to fulfill some deep dark terrible needy fear that has been present ever since the abuse. My inability to set boundaries and my tendency to search for validation even if it only makes me feel emptier has deeply hurt myself and other people. I’m finally in an extremely loving, healthy relationship that I feel very safe in, but I feel so much shame about how my trauma responses have impacted her and others, even though I’ve stopped engaging in those behaviors for a long time now. My mind tells me I’m dirty and perverted and that I will never deserve her, but she’s the only one in the entire world I’ve ever Actually wanted. I want to let go of this shame and fear so badly but my brain keeps reminding me of the times I repeated the same patterns of my childhood, and I can’t stop feeling like I’m a sick, horrible person. I’m going to start therapy again this friday and really try to open up about my struggles with hypersexuality, and use this article as a reference point. I’m really hoping to find peace and let go of this all-consuming self hatred that won’t stop plaguing me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Tue, 21 Mar 2023 03:14:02 +0000

Thank you so much for sharing, and to the people in the comments sharing their stories too, you are brave and are helping me and probably many others understand themselves and their response to trauma.

By: kenna

kenna — Mon, 09 Jan 2023 17:01:18 +0000

I am so glad this is being talked about. This clears up so many things for me. My love language is words of affirmation and growing up my parents emotionally abused me. I’m talking calling bullying, skinny shaming, saying ill never be anything in life, calling me the same names my school bullies would call me…. For that reason I turned to sweet talking boys who “liked” me. Because of me need for love I was raped by men who “knew what i wanted and just wanted me to relax”. That caused my hypersexuality and my cycle of slut shaming myself. It was 7 years of this cycle. I was always trying to better myself and I was fortunate to have friends that stuck by my side even when i would throw them under a bus if a guy asked me to. The turning point for me was when I told myself I love me, and really meant it…. Hold on to hope and keep looking for the other side…. its not easy at all but it is possible

By: Susan

Susan — Wed, 09 Nov 2022 01:35:46 +0000

Hi Harriet ,
Firstly, I want to say that it was incredibly brave of you to share your own story. As an abuse surviver I know how hard it is. I came accross you when researching treatment options for myself. Unfortunately I didn’t find anything,which I had expected as I had already been through the dublin rape crisis centre in 2018 without so much as the offer of counseling, but I wanted to thank you for writing about this and continuing to write about it because it is so important. I’ve felt like such a freak for so long, even before my last assault, but you have mad me feel like less of a freak fir the first time in 4 years so that you .

By: LeviRyeo

LeviRyeo — Tue, 08 Nov 2022 11:03:11 +0000

Thank you for this amazing space. I’m still trying to work on how i can share things. I don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone about things that happened ancient ago when i was a kid, I’m 24 now. By reading shared stories of some, i felt like they’ve experienced way worse that what i have but they are way braver than i am.

Ps. I hope i can read somewhere Mr.Ftm’s story as a writer.